Embracing... Entropy

Friday, October 14th, 2022

I have several drafts of posts I wanted to make to officially close out this blog and have one final word. I’ve been waiting for a perfect moment— for one serendipitous, spontaneous bout of inspiration and epiphany— to write a final post and sum up this experience.

It’s been slightly short of 2 months since I returned to the United States. And I realized that such a moment does not exist. Between the fast paced nature of my life, juggling 6 classes, two part time jobs, a thesis, and trying to be a functional adult, and my own inability to detach myself from Uganda and the people I met there, I simply could not find *that moment*.

So, there won’t be one final post. For as long as I’m reading through my data and analyzing it, there won’t be a day where I don’t think about where I was this summer, what I did there, who I met there, and how I felt about it. So, I think I’ll keep writing about it as I wish.

I want to let you in on a little, not so widely advertised secret… I was supposed to go back to Uganda next week for an Alliance meeting. I had actually started planning this trip before I left the country in August, and purchased my flight tickets just one week after returning to the United States. But just this past Wednesday, the meeting was cancelled due to the ebola outbreak in Kampala. Thankfully, though, the risk to most people at the moment is low. And I’m praying that everyone there continues to stay safe and healthy.

I felt a range of emotions after hearing of the cancellation, but I don’t want to talk about that. Instead, I want to share a series of regrets. My goodbyes on my last day felt very haphazard because in my heart, I had a feeling I’d be back again soon and these goodbyes would just be temporary. My last meal in the country was pasta, but I wish it was maatoke, beans, posho, and avocado instead. I reread my last couple of blog posts, and I wish I could have just been… happier. I wish mentally I were at a place then to really cherish my last few weeks and make the most of them.

I thought I would experience *that moment* to write a final blog post after I returned from attending this meeting in Uganda. It would’ve been the perfect story: I visited in June, collected data, and had an experience beyond my wildest imagination. I get the opportunity to go back to the country, with adequate funding, during my Fall break, to share some preliminary findings and get feedback on my project. It would’ve been absolutely perfect. Almost too perfect. But that’s not what “embracing entropy” is.

Have I ever told you why this blog is titled as it is? Embracing Entropy?

Entropy is a concept in chemistry and physics. It refers to the unpredictability and disorder in a system. Things in the universe naturally gravitate towards a state of randomness; it takes concerted effort for things to be proper and orderly. I think everything about this process— from the uncertainty of receiving my fellowship, to imagining what the country would be like, and what my project would look like, taught me to fully “embrace entropy” and make do with whatever outcome.

Flash forward to now… I guess… with the disappointment that I won’t be going back next week. I am not sure if and when I’ll get the opportunity to go to Uganda again. Scratch that. I’m sure I’ll go again at some point in my life. The question is when.

But that’s where the beauty of uncertainty lies. There could be one serendipitous, spontaneous opportunity again to go back. That’s also entropy… that’s also something worth embracing!

So, for now, I won’t say goodbye— you’ll hear from me again soon! There’s still much more to unpack <3

— Divya

Here is the very last photo I took in Uganda— A building inside the Makerere University campus. Where I stayed and worked most days :)